The President's Commission of the Status of Women brought author Dr. Donna Freitas to discuss her upcoming book Sex and the Soul: Why Cinderella Dreams Jeopardize the Spirit and Reputation last Wednesday.
"Dating depletes your heart, so when you find your beloved you have nothing left to give him." That is what 19-year-old Danny said in an interview with Freitas. Dr. Freitas explores college students' relationships. A professor of spirituality at St. Michael's College in Vermont, Freitas first became intrigued with college-age relationships when she offered a class aptly named "Dating."
"During that class, my students were really fascinated by the idea of making meaning of their relationships," said Freitas. In this class, one main topic of discussion was the one-night stand or fling. The class discussed how the relationship gets old and one person gets attached and hurt -- usually the girl.
Such discussions led to Freitas' interest and her eventual study. Conducting surveys and one-on-one interviews, Dr. Freitas received feedback from college students on all types of campuses.
For the most part, as Freitas noted, "the bonus is always on the woman" to remain pure, so most of her interviews were with women. One such interviewee was Emily Holland, a 21-year-old senior at an evangelical college. "Utterly unblemished in the purity culture," as Dr. Freitas described her, Holland "kept her sexuality dormant in every way prior to meeting her husband. Emily knew to be proud of this fact. She was oozing with pride in her achievement."
Holland was a virgin until her wedding, even receiving her first kiss at the alter. Holland was dismissive of the Senior Scramble, the rush for seniors in evangelical colleges to be married before graduation.
"As if finding a husband was top on a college girl's priority list," Dr. Freitas said.
Aspiring to this is Jessica Morin or, as Dr. Freitas called her, a Sleeping Beauty Princess. Morin plans to receive her first kiss at the altar.
"Guarding purity is serious business," Morin said.
Some of the methods to remain pure can be found in the "Battle" series books. The books describe different ways for young adults to remain pure until marriage. One major statement Dr. Freitas found in the books was "Sex as the Enemy."
Dr. Freitas went on to describe the ocular covenant. "The ocular convent is making a promise to God to bounce your eyes away from lustful objects." Another method of maintaining purity is the starvation diet in reference to lust. "The only way to kill a bad habit," wrote Joshua Harris, author of "I Kissed Teenage Dating Goodbye," "is to starve it to death." Thus came the starvation diet, which entails staying away from romance novels, movies, TV or anything that may give the girls the idea to attract male attention.
This notion of remaining pure does not appeal to everyone.
"It's a return to medieval times," freshman Katey Austin said. "Maybe it has good intentions, but what happened to women being more than just an object?"
Junior Cait Vaughan feels that "the notion of 'purity' is silly altogether."
"Everyone agrees that purity means not having sex, not thinking sexual thoughts, etcetera," continued Vaughan. "And then someone achieves that, but only until they are married - what does that mean? Does it mean that sexual impurity is okay within marriage?"
Not all of the college students Dr. Freitas spoke to fit these descriptions of purity princesses.
"Christian girls actively pursue purity. Other girls actively avoid derogatory terms related to sex. They are not interested in saving themselves for marriage, but plan their ideal first time," Dr. Freitas noticed.
One such woman is Maria Angelo.
"Maria has a boyfriend from home that excuses her from the stress of dating at college," Dr. Freitas reasoned.
"Guys are different; they don't value virginity like girls. They want to get it over with. With girls, they want it to be a romantic occasion," Angelo said.
For LBGT girls, the paradox goes deeper. Tonisha James, a bisexual student, told Dr. Freitas, "I feel like no one knows what to expect. Is it lesbian sex or is it falling in love with a woman?"
For Cait Vaughan, the topic of sexuality and spirituality is a little clearer. "For me, being a member of the lesbian community, and specifically the lesbian feminist community, slurs like 'slut' and 'whore' aren't things I really hear. The queer community is so much smaller, while people have casual sex and all those harsh labels aren't usually given to it," Vaughan noted. "I don't identify at all with the normalized heterosexual script of marriage and purity. I think it's a bunch of bull."
In the end, Dr. Freitas concluded, "most college girls fail at the princess game, then some are left out of the game all together. But which is worse?"
Vaughan offered a solution: "I think if more people gave up on these tired social expectations and scripts then they'd be a lot happier. I know I am!"
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