The 2013 Academy Awards: I will never wear anything that nice
Published: Friday, March 1, 2013
Updated: Friday, March 1, 2013 02:03
Nothing excites me more than a predominantly neutral color palette. While I’ll take Jennifer Lawrence in a bedazzled, neon yellow prom dress reminiscent of the Jersey Shore cast (based off of my total, indiscriminant love for her that spans the entire galaxy and beyond), I would prefer to see her in a ‘80s, beige power suit if I am being totally candid. You can imagine my excitement when she and other unbelievably beautiful and talented actors walked down the 2013 Oscar’s red carpet in creamy colors, stopping only to shmooz with Ryan Seacrest and present their best “look how famous but relatable but beautiful but sweet I am” looks to photographers.
The neutrals that reigned supreme were versions of an eggshell color, black and metallic golds and silvers. My favorite ladies that rocked the light neutrals were Ms. Lawrence in a beautiful, curtain-like textured Dior gown, Amy Adams in a multi-tiered, pale grey Oscar de la Renta, and Charlize Theron, who also wore Dior, but hers was reminiscent of Anne Hathaway’s Golden Globe gown (but WAY BETTER BECAUSE IT’S CHARLIZE NO EXPLANATION NEEDED). Don’t get me wrong, neutrals can go wrong, and Kristen Stewart is a testament to that (she’s also just a testament to the definition of “wrong”). Although a certain level of haggardness is expected when you have to use crutches, she didn’t sprain her hands, so she could have at least run a brush through those awfully under whelming and messy locks. Furthermore, although it seems that her apathetic, fifteen- year-old, emo vibe is on purpose, she would do better to hire people that possess more gusto and drive when it comes to making her look like she actually cares. She also may still be nursing her “Twilight” emotional hangover as an affected vampire fan girl that also has a thing (we’re talking a ROMANTIC THING, PEOPLE) for werewolves and mystical creatures alike. Then again, maybe she understands that her persona makes money and the more people dislike you, the more People Magazine covers that causes you to collect royalties from (*gasp*).
The bold black gowns that absolutely stunned were many. Nicole Kidman really wowed in her metallic, gold and silver accented L’Wren Scott sequined dress. Other attendees that rocked beautiful black hues were Adele in a classically, three-quarter sleeve beaded Jenny Packham number and Stacy Keibler in a grey and black toned beaded halter (what does Stacy Kiebler do besides date George Clooney? This is an honest question).
However, those who dared to add a punch of color to the carpet did not (all) disappoint. Jennifer Hudson looked AMAZING in a high slitted, body hugging, and deep blue Roberto Cavalli dress. She was also one of the only stars
to wear platform pumps (the mostly non-platformed stiletto sandals at the recently finished New York Fashion Week reiterated strappy, barely there pumps are here to stay). I salute her for being a tall girl that wants to further escalate herself! As a woman that stands 5’ 10” tall, I would say that my excuse for barely wearing heels is my height, but in actuality I just have really weak ankles from one too many slides to third base in middle school softball. Jennifer Aniston was there too, rocking what was a beautiful bright red Valentino gown, but was wholly expected and kind of a yawn. Also, I know that she always wears her hair down, but I put her into the “Kristen Stewart Hair Category” and wonder why she thought California beach girl waves were appropriate for one of the most formal events in the country. It is also entirely possible that I want her hair and I wish she would slick it back on her head so that I wouldn’t have to stare at it every time I pick up a “Woman’s Wear Daily” (which is almost never but STILL).
Of course I have a “Best Dressed”. While everyone has their opinions and they usually involve the sentence “Jennifer Lawrence was the Academy Awards’ goddess” and while I 99.9% agree with them, Kerry Washington looked tremendously elegant and beautiful. Not only did she wear Miu Miu, a designer that is sometimes a bit too whimsical to be featured at such an overtly formal event, but also it had rhinestones, a bow and DIDN’T look like she stepped off of the “Toddlers and Tiaras” stage! The coral gown made her glow and while her hair was worn down; it was also coiffed perfectly and pulled away from her face.
If any of you out there end up making the next “Les Miserables” (the movie, not the historical circumstances that inspired it…that would be very, very bad), remember that classic is good but using traditionally gaudy materials in a tasteful way can also create a red carpet masterpiece. Also, take me as your date, I will wear the tux.