2008 Woodie Awards
Americans Prepare to Celebrate Genocidal Racist Slaver Day
Columbus' Legacy of Mindless Cruelty and Ignorance Lives On
Tom "Indigenous Resistance" Olson
Issue date: 10/7/05 Section: Commentary
"It's clearly incorrect. I mean, he would've known by the umbrellas in the coconut-drinks and the steel drums that he was in the Caribbean and not in China or India!" said Ms. Bloomfield in response.
Likewise, in Denver, Colo., Native Americans are protesting the yearly Columbus Day parades once again, despite the mayor's protests that police expenses related to containing the protests will be significant.
Elsewhere in Springfield, citizens are preparing a grand parade to commemorate the occasion. The boy scouts will be participating by carrying several dozen flags, one for every ten thousand natives subjugated to the will of their superior European masters.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia will also be joining the fun, celebrating Italian cultural heritage by presiding over the New York City parade as Grand Marshall. Scalia says his "Thighs of Justice" have healed from their burns, which was a concern for his participation in the parade. They had been recovering from injuries sustained on a metal slide earlier this summer, while the Justice was enjoying Supreme Court recess on the Supreme Playground.
Many businesses around the nation are also getting into the holiday spirit. At a used car lot in downtown Springfield, smallpox-covered natives have been painted into the windows. The proprietor promises a very generous sale to celebrate the holiday. "I'm calling it the 'Committing Genocide on High Prices!' That's why I'm shooting this commercial, and these Indians! Haw!" he said, putting on a mock-Renaissance Italian gentleman's costume and preparing to shoot (with blanks, for safety) a few Indians, played for the commercial by his employees.
The public library has joined in the fun by constructing a complex diorama depicting the arrival of the first Native Americans in Europe. The auction block, according to the librarians, was particularly complex to construct, as were the challenging postures of the slave-buyers and the disease-ridden emaciated natives. They quipped as they worked, "Those bony ribs were such a challenge! Why didn't the savages wear decent Christian clothes!"
Likewise, in Denver, Colo., Native Americans are protesting the yearly Columbus Day parades once again, despite the mayor's protests that police expenses related to containing the protests will be significant.
Elsewhere in Springfield, citizens are preparing a grand parade to commemorate the occasion. The boy scouts will be participating by carrying several dozen flags, one for every ten thousand natives subjugated to the will of their superior European masters.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia will also be joining the fun, celebrating Italian cultural heritage by presiding over the New York City parade as Grand Marshall. Scalia says his "Thighs of Justice" have healed from their burns, which was a concern for his participation in the parade. They had been recovering from injuries sustained on a metal slide earlier this summer, while the Justice was enjoying Supreme Court recess on the Supreme Playground.
Many businesses around the nation are also getting into the holiday spirit. At a used car lot in downtown Springfield, smallpox-covered natives have been painted into the windows. The proprietor promises a very generous sale to celebrate the holiday. "I'm calling it the 'Committing Genocide on High Prices!' That's why I'm shooting this commercial, and these Indians! Haw!" he said, putting on a mock-Renaissance Italian gentleman's costume and preparing to shoot (with blanks, for safety) a few Indians, played for the commercial by his employees.
The public library has joined in the fun by constructing a complex diorama depicting the arrival of the first Native Americans in Europe. The auction block, according to the librarians, was particularly complex to construct, as were the challenging postures of the slave-buyers and the disease-ridden emaciated natives. They quipped as they worked, "Those bony ribs were such a challenge! Why didn't the savages wear decent Christian clothes!"
