This is the twelfth issue of this column, entitled "Religion and College." I do not like having the word "religion" in the title, because of how people automatically assume they know what the column is about. They think it is about a person looking at the college life and saying, "Hey, religious rules say most of that is not okay!" Or, the column is going to look into many different ways that religious expression has helped people. Or, people expect to read from a person who is well-versed in world religions and doctrines and religious beliefs.
What the title never suggests is what the column has been about for me: This is a public forum for one student who has experienced a radical transformation in his life. The reader has been invited to follow along each week as the writer engages in the live questions that we all face in our lives, and reflects upon how his journey in faith has affected his answers to those questions.
I am writing for me. I am writing as an idealist: I want to do as Socrates tried to do, which was ask questions that caused people to search deeper in their lives and examine it. I am writing to work through and understand who I was before, and who I am, after Aug. 25, 2009.
This semester, if you have been following along (and if not, check the TNHonline.com archives to catch up), I have been slowly going through my journey, occasionally stopping to make a point or two, and working up to this final article. Hopefully you have found my writing to be candid, challenging, occasionally wrong, and, at the very least, interesting. Perhaps everything I have said has meant nothing to you, or you have passed it off as nothing.
I want to offer a disclaimer: What I am about to write is probably going to seem outlandish to you. It will sound strange. It has to, because my story involves me talking about a force outside of myself, one that we strive hard as a society to deny the existence of.
I'm going to ask you to put your own beliefs on hold for a moment. (Impossible, but one may as well try). If I have been making a lot of sense to you this semester, excellent. Please remember that as you read. If I have been angering you, or you're disgusted that the TNH has even published such "religious" fluff in a secular newspaper, excellent! Please remember that I have tried to illustrate my own personal journey from secularism to a firm belief that we cannot separate ourselves from this world, which is experientially non-secular.
The reason I mention all of this is because I hope I have come across to you as an honest, real person. That I am sane, that I am a credible source, that ultimately, I am a human being (this covers for my mistakes that I wrote about, including a false claim about facts and theories for which I got grilled in online comments). I mention this because I pray that you keep it in mind as you read my story of Aug. 25.
Summer 2009
I had worked for most of the summer at TL Storer Scout Camp in Barnstead, N.H., as the Trek Director. In fact, I have worked there for the past six summers, and have been involved in Scouts and the outdoors all my life. This means that I spent a lot of time in the relative wilderness of New Hampshire and a week in the Adirondacks. Why do I like camping, hiking, canoeing, and just being outdoors so much? I have always felt a much different sense of peace and connectedness while being outdoors. Not only am I depending upon myself and my knowledge of the world around me to actually survive, but I get to appreciate natural beauty in its purest form, unhindered by man. Sure, this sounds Romantic, sensational. But it is in this setting that I have previously had my most "spiritual" moments.
This summer, I became a "theist." That is, I finally came to the conclusion that I believe in a "God."
"This feeling of awe, this numinous, this connectedness and love I have for seemingly everyone? That sensation and understanding and peace I have when I'm on the river and I see just beauty? I accept this as God. Alright. I'll call it God; not the same God as my friends might say, but God nonetheless."
I wrote this in my journal on a day off this summer. I finally realized that I was beyond being agnostic.
InterVarsity Summit
My friends had invited me to come to InterVarsity Summit at the end of the summer. It is a week-long retreat at Toah Nipi in Ringe, N.H. The focus was to be on reconnecting with the campus faith community, singing worship, refocusing lives on God, and preparing for the upcoming year's ministry. While there was to be daily Bible study and worship and campus time, there were also five tracks people could choose to go on for daily seminars. They ranged from "First Steps with God" to "expanding your campus ministry."
When I first got the invite, I was highly tentative. How did I, an agnostic (and closet theist because nobody would understand it), fit in with this group? It seemed to me like I would take nothing out of the experience except to watch my friends devote themselves in worship and rededicate themselves to their faiths. How could I even join a track? I emailed the IV staff worker—also a guy with whom I'd been debating God's existence weekly—with my concerns . He replied that the First Steps of God track was meant for "people like me." As in, non-believing seekers. Someone who is open to the idea, but just does not believe.
That got me intrigued, and then he tossed in the discount, so I'd be going for dirt cheap, and I was in. My goal for the week was to spend time with friends whom I loved, make new ones, and observe people in their worship of the "God" of their faith. This, to me, was a beautiful expression of humanity. Not to mention, I felt like I would have excellent opportunities to continue to talk about how this idea of God and Jesus and the Bible actually transforms lives.
is a member of the 
10 comments
ever tried arguing with a creationist? a person who believes in the new world order? 911 denier? person of either extreme political wing?
I find that there two main modes denial(from what I can see), the first one is what we all do as a child and I do find in extreme cases, associate arguments or people with a negative feeling thus what they are saying is wrong and end conversation or avoid challenges.
the second one, which we are all guilty of, is best described by "seek and you will find". this is essentially a mixture of what you want to see, and making connections between facts that shouldn't be there. Look at any conspiracy theory video and you will immediately see what I'm talking about. Its the only thing they do. and its very hard not falling into this one, every one does but some less than others as they are more aware of this yet this can be so subtle I'm sure we're all blind to this at some level.
I just finished a course in history of economic thought, and it took around 150 years to go from supply and demand and elasticity, elasticity is a extreemly simple concept to understand yet it took geniuses to think of this. Every dumb thing you learn in microeconomics there is an extreemly analytical or great visioned person behind it, yet in the end what they give us seems quite simple.
yet when you look at many philosophers, they seem to create these grand pictures or great illustration about reality and to me it seems all of them seem to chew a little too much. it seems to me that philosophers, first aren't constricted by science, so they can let their brain go wild, and one thing that they usually assume is some sort of perfection with the brain.Its true that the beginnings of psychology are quite shady with sigmind freud whole id and ego thing, but if you look at it now, they are becoming more and more of a hard science. Nowdays people can change what answer you will give them based on waves they send to a specific part of your brain which either suppresses it or activates it. different part of your brain will be used to answer a question based on how the question is posed.So my conclusion from all of this, is that we are much dumber than we actually think we are. for example, to try to discover what was before the big bang is to me a pointless question because it is completely beyond us that any "conclusions" from this is just the person deluding themselves to reach to their conclusion. yet you often see this.this is why I find that when I argue some people, reason or logic is futile because one thing our brain is superb at, is creating its own reality. yet as humans we are slightly able to take control of our primitive disposition, and I invite you to do so.anywho, too bad I we didn't bump into each other this semester, would have been nice meeting you, perhaps next semester.